Book Review: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

“Focusing on what you can’t control makes you stressed. Focusing on what you can control makes you powerful.””
— Mel Robbins

Why I Read This Book

I picked up The Let Them Theory because I’ve noticed something about myself over the years: I take on unnecessary stress from other people. Airports, grocery stores, crowded spaces - all of these environments amplify how reactive I can become to the behavior around me. I absorb frustration that isn’t mine to carry.

So when I heard Mel Robbins had written a book centered on not taking on stress from others, it felt like something that would resonate. And it did, especially the second half of the idea: Let Me.

The moment I began reading, I felt a parallel to Trevor Moawad’s neutral thinking, which has influenced how I try to approach challenges. Both concepts reinforce the same truth: You can’t control what happens around you, only your response.

Brief Summary

The Let Them Theory is built on a simple but powerful mental model:

• Let Them: Release your need to control others’ actions, emotions, choices, and pace of growth.
• Let Me: Turn inward and focus on what you can control: your attitude, boundaries, decisions, and next steps.

The book explores how this plays out in relationships, friendships, work environments, family dynamics, and even comparison. While not every chapter needs to exist, the core idea is practical and easy to apply in real life. And for me, it helped immediately.

My Thoughts

The strength of this book is its simplicity. Robbins gives you a phrase you can actually remember and use when life happens in front of you.

What Worked

I started applying Let Them on day one, especially in public environments where I historically get irritated. Someone cutting a line, acting impatient, fumbling through security with no awareness…normally, that would piss me off and spike my stress.

Instead, I found myself thinking: Let them. Let them be rushed. Let them be inconsiderate. Let them move through the world however they choose. Let me stay calm. Let me stay in my lane. Let me not absorb someone else’s chaos.

It worked.

The book also reinforces something that intellectually makes sense but emotionally is harder to accept:

You can’t change anyone. And people only change when they decide to.

This felt especially relevant given my own tendencies. I sometimes find myself wanting to guide or fix - not from ego, but from genuine care. Robbins challenges that instinct: it isn’t your job.

Her framing aligns beautifully with Stoicism, cognitive behavioral principles, and Trevor Moawad’s neutrality, which is a core concept by which I try to live my life.

Where It Fell Short

I didn’t love every chapter. Many felt narrow in scope or repetitive. She digs deeply into adult friendships, relationship dynamics, social media behavior, family roles, and other areas that may or may not apply depending on your season of life. It’s not that these chapters are bad, they’re just not broadly useful.

My bigger challenge came when trying to apply Let Them inside my home.
When someone I love is stressed, the line between “letting them” and appearing indifferent gets blurry. Robbins touches on this nuance, but I still found gaps. The theory isn’t as seamless in emotionally complex environments as it is in public or professional ones.

And that’s okay. For me, it remains a tool, not a doctrine.

A Standout Insight

Chapter 10, How to Make Comparison Your Teacher, was a definite highlight.

Robbins reframes comparison as a compass: Your jealousy points directly toward areas of your life that need attention.

If you envy someone’s fitness, writing, confidence, creativity, or relationships, it’s not a character flaw - it’s information. It’s your life saying: Something about this matters to you.

One of my favorite ideas from the book:

Thank the people you’re jealous of. They’re showing you what’s possible.

I loved that.

Key Quotes

• “The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. The more control you give up, the more you gain.”
• “When you say Let Them, you make a conscious decision not to allow other people’s behavior to bother you. When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next.”
• “Focusing on what you can’t control makes you stressed. Focusing on what you can control makes you powerful.”
• “Adults will have negative opinions about you and everything you do. Let Them judge. … Instead of wasting your time worrying about them, start living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself.”
• “The Let Them Theory is not about superiority at all. It’s about balance. It’s about making room for both you and someone else. It’s about giving other people the space and grace to live their lives — and then giving yourself the same.”

Final Verdict

The Let Them Theory is not a perfect book for me, but it is a useful one. The central idea is immediately actionable, and for me, genuinely helpful. I’m already more aware of when I’m absorbing the stress of others, and more committed to stopping that pattern.It’s a mindset I’ll continue to practice, refine, and revisit.

Especially the Let Me component, which is where the real change happens.